Training Day 23 - Consequences

I kinda suck, and I am REALLY disappointed with myself.  But I'm hoping to make up for it.

So, we know that Monday was awful, as Mondays are trending to be for me.  The plan was to take Tuesday off to get my food situation in order, run on Wednesday, off Thursday, run Friday.  Well, I never got to the run on Wednesday.  It wasn't happening in the morning and I had plans with a friend that day, but I was hopeful for an after-dinner run that wifey was more than willing to help accommodate.  However, due to the stupid amounts of traffic in north Jersey and on the Turnpike in general, it took me FOREVER to get home!  I actually had to stop halfway down at my mom's house so that the kids could eat dinner at a normal hour!  I didn't get home until after 10pm (left my friend's house before 6!) so I knew I wasn't running that night.

Flash to Thursday.  More of the same BS.  Everyday life getting in the way of running.  Again, when I realized that it was 10pm, I knew it wasn't going to happen.  I was more than aggravated about this.  Sure, I could have attempted a run at 10:00 at night, but we all know how that would have ended for me.  I wouldn't have reached my goal & I would have considered it another failure.  So I got it in my head last night that I was going to run early in the morning, before the kids woke up, before wifey left for work. 

I had done this one other time and it went pretty well, despite me not being a morning person.  And I'm really not; I don't wake up easily or well at all.  I need to take my time with it all, and I have a bit of a ritual when it comes to waking up.  However, these two times that I have run in the early hours of the morning have actually worked out pretty well for me.

So this morning I woke up at 6am.  Ate a very tiny bowl of granola with soymilk - didn't want to overdo it & make myself sick, so it was literally less than a handful.  I accompanied that with half of a sandwich flat with a tiny bit of peanut butter on it, and drank some green iced tea with citrus to make sure I had some sugar in me.  I wanted enough to fuel the run but definitely didn't want to overdo it with the food.

I headed down to the basement with groggy eyes, still not fully awake.  But as soon as you get on that treadmill you are forced to wake up & pay attention, otherwise you might fall down!  So I woke up real fast!  We also set up a TV down there as well now, so I was able to watch part of a morning news show that I sometimes like to watch (when I am awake & alert enough in the morning that is!).  And I must admit that having the TV was a pleasant distraction from the clock and mile counter! 

The first 10 minutes went by without any huge hiccups, but that changed soon after.  I was expecting this to not go so well since I had troubles on Monday and then took 3 days off.  So I went in with little expectation of myself.  So I said to myself, "Forget the timer, forget about speed, just finish the 28 minutes."  But after 10 minutes, I really started to struggle.  I felt the asthma kicking in (I should probably mention that for the past few days I've been waking up with dry, itchy, somewhat swollen eyes, so there is definitely some kind of allergy kicking in here), and I felt my energy waning. I don't know if I psyched myself out or if I just lost the momentum I had built for myself, but I knew I wasn't going to make it the 28 minutes. 

After 10 minutes I was almost at 1 mile.  I  decided I would make it to 2 miles and then see where I was.  I made it to 2 miles at about 22 minutes and I knew I had nothing left.  I tried to bargain myself through it, saying, "Just make it to 25 minutes" and then when I got to 25 minutes there would just be 3 minutes left and I'd be able to talk myself through it probably.  But I couldn't make it to 25 minutes.  I really, really tried and I couldn't do it.  And I HATE that!  I hate not being able to do something, especially when I think I should be able to do it!  It wasn't even a fully voluntary surrender; I found myself lessening my speed before I had fully agreed with myself, or gave myself permission to do it!  It was automatic. 

So I didn't finish the 28 minutes...AGAIN.  I didn't even finish 25 minutes!  I'm trying not to beat myself up too much.  There's nothing I can do about it now anyway, so why dwell?  And I have a plan.  A plan to help get myself back on track.  I think the falter on Monday combined with 3 accidental days off kind of set me up for failure.  So I ran today, Friday.  I am going to run again on Saturday for 25 minutes and then on Sunday for 28 minutes.  I am taking Monday off simply because I am going to avoid Mondays like the plague from now on!  The bad news is that wifey is going on a business trip and will be gone all of next week, so I HAVE TO fit my runs in in the morning or afternoon.  If I have to do the bedtime routine with both kids by myself, I won't get to running until about 9:30pm, and I don't want to set myself up for failure.  So I will run again on either Tuesday or Wednesaday morning for 30 minutes, and that will bring me back up to speed (hopefully) and I'll be sure to get two more runs in by Sunday. 

I think I can still hit my mark before the run on the 25th.  If I don't, I have no one to be upset with but myself because I made excuses & let too much get in the way of my goal.  Finding the time during the day amid the craziness of a 1 year old and a 3 year old is proving to be quite the challenge, but I have to do it.  It's the only way I'm going to meet my goal, and I don't like to fail.  Once wifey gets back from her trip, I think I might make the early morning runs a regular thing since they seem to work the best for me.  I just can't let the early hour and my difficulty getting out of bed hinder me.